Lately I haven't been feeling at all like myself. After last month of having visitors for three straight weeks and feeling like I was on a constant vacation, maybe this is just a reality check. With exams, work, and the disheartening search for a place to live next year, I guess I have just been really stressed out. I hate it though... Naturally, I am the happiest, most optimistic person- hence my overuse of the phrases best ever, best in the world, best day of my life, happiest I've ever been, etc. So I hate these phases where I feel like an angst-ridden teen who just wants to quote lines from Garden State. I've also been comparing myself to other people lately, which is just unhealthy from every angle. There are always going to be people better than you, and there are always going to be people worse than you. There's no point in comparing- you can only change and control yourself. Finding happiness in yourself is really the most important thing (in the world).

When I was at home last weekend, I felt like a different person. I couldn't wait to go out and see people, I woke up excited for the day, and I was completely content. Ever since I got back, this cloud of melancholy has been floating over me. It's starting to make me feel distant from all my friends here. I just don't feel like I relate to that many people around me at this point in my life. Going out to the same bars every night and waking up feeling awful just doesn't appeal to me, which makes me kind of an outcast from the college scene. Not to say that I never go out... whenever I make a point to go out with my friends I always have a really good time- it's just that sometimes I feel like a freak because "going out" isn't what I live for... (luckily, Tyler is a freak in this way too...)

The search for a place to live is also really getting me down. At this point I feel so discouraged, and like I'm never going to find a place I'm happy with. It's so confusing for my roommate and I to find a place that suits us both with money, leases, location and so many other teeny tiny details. After this year of college house central, I am just craving a nice, comfortable, living space that feels like home.

Anyway, I hate complaining or sounding ungrateful, and that is not at all what I'm trying to do. I know I have an amazing life, a beautiful family, a perfect boyfriend, I live in a world-class city, I'm about to finish up a successful semester, it's 80 degrees and sunny every day, I'm about to spend six weeks with my family at our beach house, etc. etc. etc. I just want my bright, cheery, bubbly, happy self back!!
Where are you Olivia???